40 Additional Questions for Self Diagnosis

The following questions new and not yet conference-approved. As always, they are designed to be used as guidelines only. They are not a sure-fire method of diagnosis, nor can negative answers provide absolute assurance that the illness is not present. We appreciate that the diagnosis of sex and love addiction is a matter that needs to be both very serious and very private.

  1. Have you ever had sex with someone you just met online, at a park, bookstore, bar or public restroom?
  2. Do you have multiple or secret profiles on dating sites or on social networks?
  3. Have you ever said to yourself “If I have sex with this person, then he/she will love me”?
  4. Do you find yourself seeking out and engaging in sexual or romantic situations that could jeopardize your health, family, job or reputation?
  5. Do you lose track of time looking or searching for pornography on the computer?
  6. Do you deliberately put yourself in situations where close physical contact with other people is possible?
  7. Do you “sext,” or send sexually based digital communication to others?
  8. Do you get a “high” from sex, fantasy and/or romantic situations?
  9. Have you ever gone out of your way to stare, stalk or follow someone?
  10. Do you have sex videos streamed to your smart phone or computer?
  11. Do you feel you need to hide your sexual or romantic activities from others: spouse, friends, family, co-workers, counselors, etc.?
  12. Do you have secret files on your computer, smart phone or on social media for your private behavior that you fear someone will discover?
  13. Have you lost count of the number of sexual partners you have had? Have you, or do you keep a list of sexual “conquests”?
  14. Are you isolating yourself from friends and family because of your current relationship?
  15. Do you find yourself in a sexual or romantic relationship that you cannot leave or stop?
  16. Are you looking for a new partner before you leave the old partner?
  17. Do you feel lonely, purposeless or like something’s missing in your life without a romantic or sexual partner?
  18. Do you feel as though the right partner can “fix” you?
  19. Do you often create romantic and/or sexual fantasies about people you do not know or just met?
  20. Have you ever been arrested or stopped by the police for inappropriate sexual behavior?
  21. Do you engage in the practices of looking at people secretly, or exposing your body in public?
  22. Do you often have sex simply because the other person wants to have sex?
  23. Have you ever felt that you had to have sex or need to have sex in order to keep the relationship going?
  24. Have you ever wished you could be less emotionally dependent on a partner?
  25. Have you ever filmed or photographed a person in a sexual situation or used a camera to record a person without them knowing?
  26. Have you had uncomfortable feelings related to sexual experiences that led you to refrain from sexual activities?
  27. Are you afraid that deep down you are un-loveable?
  28. Have intimate experiences been so uncomfortable for you, that you refrained from relationships for a significant period of time?
  29. Are you more concerned with your sexual performance than you are with other aspects of the relationship?
  30. Do you use apps that identify sexually available people in your area?
  31. Are you ashamed of your sexual thoughts, fantasies or actions?
  32. Have you found it difficult to stay faithful in a committed relationship?
  33. Do you feel that being in a relationship is all that really matters?
  34. Do you use sex to escape stress, anxiety or life’s other problems?
  35. Do you feel uncomfortable about your masturbation because of the frequency with which you masturbate, the fantasies you engage in, the props you use, and/or the places in which you do it?
  36. Have you ever manipulated, encouraged or forced an individual to engage in sex against their will?
  37. Are you unable to focus on other areas of your life because of your sexual or romantic thoughts?
  38. Have you ever thought of having many sexual experiences in one day as a goal?
  39. Are you emotionally destroyed by breakups or when someone does not want to see or interact with you anymore?
  40. Have you ever said to yourself, “I have to stop this”?

Now What?

You have already taken a big step in seeking information about the program of S.L.A.A.  If you believe this program is for you, the next thing to do is find a meeting that works for you. 

Gathering with other sex and love addicts at an S.L.A.A. meeting is the primary way we learn how to get sober and maintain recovery.  There are no dues, fees, or registration process to attend a meeting, only voluntary contributions.  By giving and receiving support from others like us, we not only have a better chance of recovering, but we also begin to learn how to engage with people in a non-addictive way.

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