Fantasy Addiction

Characteristics of Fantasy Addiction

Not Conference Approved

  1. We confuse fantasy for real hope, love, safety, joy, romance, connection, intimacy, sharing, and being seen. Often, we attach these needs to a person(s) or thing(s) we compulsively fantasize about.
  2. We experience mood swings based upon how close or far apart reality is lining up, or not, with our current fantasies.
  3. We allow our fantasy to become the Higher Power of our lives. We set the person or thing we compulsively fantasize about. . . up in the penthouse of a grand high-rise and remain invested in slavishly believing the fantasies that our addict endlessly doles out.
  4. We lose the precious time, interest, and energy of our lives as they are siphoned away into a vacuum of our addict’s constant making.
  5. Our lives become immobilized by our fantasies and the consequences of this makes our real lives out of control and unmanageable.
  6. Our real life presence, satisfaction, joy, hope, goals, aliveness and present moments are held hostage by the futile and even tragic fantasies of our supplier addict.
  7. We live each day in a disjointed schism between our fantasy world of our real lives, which keeps us on a crash course between the collision of these two realities at any moment.
  8. We become unable to truly relate to, share, connect and even respect the boundaries of the objects of our fantasies, since we have fashioned them according to our own distorted perceptions of who they are, in order to suit our stunted needs, rather than being able to see and be with, who they truly are, what they really feel, and what they might need or want.
  9. We experience deep pain and stabbing disappointment when our fantasies are not met and especially when reality intrudes upon our fantasies in ways large or small.
  10. We become angry at all those we fantasize about for having their own lives, which may or may not include us the way we want.
  11. We become depressed or experience feelings of hopelessness or defeat when those we fantasize about do not express the interest, caring, desire, longing, jealousy or pining for us that we want from them and that we feel towards them.
  12. We use fantasy to soothe and distract us from realities we do not want to face, including intense longing for deep connection and the emptiness that a life of fantasy addiction continues to perpetuate. We become more and more isolated as our fantasy life consumes more of our time and energy. We carry shame and feel unable to admit this problem which, at times, might lead us to other addictions.

Promises of Healing Fantasy Addiction

Not Conference Approved

  1. We will no longer settle for fantasy as a way to meet our need for hope, joy, love, safety, happiness, well-being, and being deeply gotten and seen.
  2. As we heal the schism in our lives between our fantasy world and our real lives, we will feel more whole and connected to our core selves and others.
  3. Mood swings based upon reality intrusions will disappear since we will not be trying to line up our lives to suit our current fantasies.
  4. We will allow our Higher Power to be in charge of our lives. We will invest in living in the present moment.
  5. We will gain back our time, interest and energy to do with them what our Higher Power asks of us . . .an experience of joy, connection and real life contribution to ourselves and others.
  6. Our lives will become manageable as we experience our non-addictive, Higher Power at the helm of our decision-making and actions.
  7. We will live each day in greater wholeness, as there is less, little, or no separation between our inner worlds and our outer worlds. Nothing is about to fall apart because our lives are a seamless whole.
  8. We will become able to truly relate to, share, connect and even respect the boundaries of others we care about and desire. We allow them to be as they are, with their own feelings, needs and desires, that might be different than ours.
  9. We will experience less and little pain and disappointment since we are not living based upon our fantasy’s expectations and hopes.
  10. We will not become angry with others we have strong feelings for at having their own lives. We will learn to support their right to live their lives, separate from ours, and view this as healthy.
  11. Although we may, at times, feel appropriately disappointed, we will NOT become depressed or experience feelings of hopelessness or defeat when people we have strong feelings for do not express the caring, desire, longing, jealousy or pining for us we want from them and that we, ourselves, feel towards them.
  12. We will stop using fantasy to soothe and distract us from realities we do not want to face. Instead, we will find healthy real world ways to get our intense longing for deep connection met.
  13. We will let go of isolation and shame. We will take actions that reinforce self respect, hopefulness, empowerment, and a sense of inspired life triumph.
  14. We will come to understand fantasy, generally, for what it is, a thief, robber of life satisfaction and love.
  15. Having recovered from fantasy addiction, we live a life where the self respect of being present and meeting our real needs is a life worth living for!

Readings for Meetings

Romantic Obsession

Our Members highly recommend reading the Romantic Obsession Pamphlet every day as part of your program until the obsession lifts. You can download the pamphlet for only 99 cents from SLAA’s Digital Literature Store.

You can also learn about Romantic Obsession from this page of readings provided by SLAA’s San Antonio Intergroup.

My Drug of Choice Was Fantasy

Female Fantasy Addict, Anonymous, page 11 theJournal Magazine #192 here

Personal Experience and Recovery around Fantasy

Page 23 various members short shares. Page 24 share by female fantasy addict (LA, USA)

Gratitude for 20 Years in SLAA share by male love and fantasy addict (LA USA)

See theJournal Magazine Free Outreach Edition here

Sharing Time and Attention With Another Human Being

Female Romantic Fantasy Addict, NJ, USA

Page 9 & 10 theJournal Magazine #167 here

A Sober Dating Plan helps me Recognize Unavailability

Female Fantasy Addict, LA, USA

Page 13 & 14 theJournal Magazine #167 here

Might as Well face It, I’m Addicted to Love

Male Love & Fantasy Addict, UK

Page 22 & 23 theJournal Magazine #167 here

Fantasy vs Reality

Issue #147 – Fantasy vs. Reality

Fantasy focused meetings

Please join the closed WhatsApp Group for members recovering from fantasy addiction for the most current list of virtual meetings held online.

You can also find online meetings on our Notice Board and on the SLAA FWS Website.

Fantasy Meeting Scripts

The Fantasy Addiction Group shares the slides it screenshares in meetings here for other Groups to copy and improve for their own Meetings.

Fantasy Addiction WhatsApp Group

To join our WhatsApp Group, email with “Fantasy” in the header and provide your first name and the initial of your surname and your location (just the Country and/or State).

Other Member Experience Strength and Hope

Not SLAA approved. Content is the opinions of the members themselves and not SLAA FWS, SLAAvirtual Intergroup or any Fantasy Focused SLAA Group

Romantic Fantasy Kicked My Butt – a SLAA Member’s Story

Jane, Inventorying Fantasy from Getting Started in SLAA

Anonymous Happy Joyous & Free in SLAA

SLAA Daily Meditation

We highly recommend buying the State of Grace: Daily Mediations from Amazon as a way to connect with Reality and a Higher Power on a Daily Basis.

For an example on the topic of fantasy:

August 25

Through mutual sharing, we had come to know [triggering individuals] as human beings, and their stories had exploded many a fantasy we could have trumped up about them. Myths about their addictive desirability had been dispelled before our very eyes. Our interactions with others were becoming more authentic and mutual. – S.L.A.A. Basic Text, Page 146

Unicorns, Martians, and talking lions filled the pages of all my childhood books. I hid out in them to escape the scary reality of my life. My thoughts were always full of wild hopes and dreams of a better, drastically different world. Children are supposed to dream. But when these thoughts carry into adulthood and distract us from having any real purpose in life, they cross over into addiction. Obsessing about unavailable people is living in fantasyland. I can’t have an authentic relationship with a figment of my imagination. I need to actually listen to the other person and hear what they are saying, instead of idealizing them and overlooking bad behavior. I must watch out for playing mind reader, too. A mutual exchange of ideas is the only way for me to live in reality. Fear of conflict can keep me in fantasyland for years. One day at a time, I need to confront problems as they come and clear them out before they become full-blown fantasy worlds in my head and I’m paralyzed by the fantasy. Fantasyland can be a warm, comfortable place. So who would choose harsh reality? The only way out for me is to realize that my addiction can get to me more easily there and will pull me out into an even more harsh reality.

I will do my best to live in reality today and not get pulled in by the sirens’ call of fantasy.

Re-publication of 300 words or fewer of Works of Conference-approved literature may occur without permission from F.W.S. For more information see here.

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