The S.L.A.A. Conference Anorexia Committee (CAC) carries the message to the S.L.A.A. community that sexual, social, and emotional anorexia can be an inherent part of sex and love addiction and encourages integrating this idea into all areas of the Fellowship and its literature.
For more information and resources, click here for Anorexia information on the S.L.A.A. Fellowship Wide Services web site.
Characteristics of Anorexia
Developed by S.L.A.A. members during a women’s retreat. Not conference-approved by Fellowship-Wide Services
- Having few healthy boundaries, we become sexually repulsed by and/or emotionally threatened by people without knowing them.
- Fearing intimacy and vulnerability, we avoid closeness with others, concealing our dependency needs from ourselves and others, growing more isolated and alienated from friends and loved ones, ourselves and God.
- Fearing emotional and/or sexual nurturing, we compulsively avoid and stay away from romantic and sexual relationships, sometimes going for years at a time without participating in dating or sustained relationships.
- We over-idealize love and sex or conversely confuse love and sex with physical and sexual abuse, shame, immorality, engulfment, enmeshment, pity and/or the need to rescue or be rescued.
- We retreat into the safety by being alone. Even if we long for intimacy and commitment, we continually avoid relationships and sexual contacts.
- We are deeply anxious and insecure but may cover feelings of stress, guilt, loneliness, anger, fear and envy with a persona of independence and self-sufficiency. We may use self-reliance, martyrdom and/or deprivation as substitutes for nurturing, care and support.
- We judge others and or project that others judge us. We employ distancing strategies and build emotional walls. We withhold love and sex to feel in control and/or to control and manipulate others.
- We may substitute intimate relationships with romantic or sexual fantasies and may use pornography, adult bookstores, strip clubs, compulsive masturbation, anonymous sex and/or prostitutes to feed this fantasy world.
- We avoid responsibility for ourselves by focusing on others, denying our own feelings, wants and needs and being emotionally unavailable in relationships.
- We stay enslaved to isolation.
- We may mask our fears of authentic connection and sexuality by involving ourselves in addictive romantic and sexual relationships with unavailable people.
- We assign magical qualities to others. We idealize and fear them, then resent them for the power they hold over us
Anorexia Recovery Tools– Summary
We give great attention to our emotions and we take time and space to process and elaborate on them.
We learn to recognize and lovingly provide for our needs, as if we are the person that we love most on the Earth.
Go at Our Own Pace
This helps us decide for ourselves if our behavior in a situation is healthy, and when we need to go slowly, to run, or to stop.
We take tender care of our body, our food, our possessions and clothes, our desires and dreams, our fun, our vacations, and our emotional and sexual needs.
We know that our anorexia pushes us toward extremes, therefore we look for balance in our recovery and in every part of our lives.
Being true to our heart, provides our special path to recovery. We dare to be healthy in our own way.
We develop, day by day, our own way of staying in touch with a Power greater than ourselves, which can lead us and gently support us in our recovery.
We thank life and our Higher Power; whenever we can.
Through balanced service, we experience freedom from the anorexic self by giving back to the S.L.A.A. community what we continue to freely and lovingly receive.
We enjoy the closeness and the affection of our friends, and we nourish our
relationships with them, one day at a time.
Our sponsor is an SLAA. member who has worked the Program, may be anorexic, has some recovery, and wants to share it with us.
We write a plan for our recovery; we follow it and adjust it as we grow.
StepsExcerpts from Anorexia Recovery Tools, © 2015, The Augustine Fellowship, Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous, Fellowship-Wide Services, Inc.
We follow the spiritual Program of the 12 Steps with confidence and openness.
Affirmations for Anorexics
I am beautiful inside and out
I am a child of God
I cherish my body and sexuality
I am capable of healthy boundaries with others
I accept and learn from my mistakes
I listen to the feedback of others and decide if it is true for me
I accept that others are imperfect human beings loved by God
My feelings, wants and needs are important
I honor myself and others
I am a lovable person
I am healing from the trauma of my childhood
I am no longer a victim of emotional or sexual abuse
I state my feelings and needs directly and respectfully
I trust the process and let go of the outcome
I trust myself and surround myself with trustworthy people
I do not shame myself or allow others to shame me
I am available to support others and receive support
I acknowledge my sexual feelings and attractions to others
I am free to choose to love and be sexual in safe and healthy ways
I unconditionally love myself just as I am today
I am unconditionally loved by my Higher Power just as I am today